What am I doing with the light?

     Here it is, confessions of an often overwhelmed mother, wife, friend, sister, daughter, etc. I get bitter and I get judgmental. As this happened the other day, I caught myself and began to pray. I asked God to change my heart and how I think. Now, I don't know about you, but when I have asked this in the past. I always seem to be given a challenge. A job to help my mind accept a new way of doing things. Most often it involves giving up control of something, something I am sure I am the only person alive that can do properly. That didn't happen this time and I was pleasantly surprised and very thankful. This time it was a vision, and it was exciting.
     There was not much to it, but it was so powerful and meaningful that I couldn't help but get excited. It was a crystal with light shining through it and in the background was a mirror, with the same light shining on it. That was it. Here is why it was so exciting. I am to be the crystal... or I can be the mirror. The light of course, is YAHWEH. It was really about the light and what I am able to do with it. Am I a reflection of  God, or am I refracting God? If I am reflecting the light then I am letting people see who they are in the light of God. Light refraction is amazing to me. It takes every part of the light and shows it off. It turns pure light into a rainbow without changing it at all. There are so many parts of God!
     How or what makes me a crystal or a mirror? They both need to be clear to do their job. With every unrepentant sin in my life I lessen the usefulness of myself. But, I just kept thinking transparent. Am I being transparent? Am I pretending to be something I am not? Am I pretending to be perfect? I am made in the very image of Yahweh, but I am a sinful human. Can I accept this and let others see what and who I really am? In both cases the light goes through me, but in the case of the mirror, it stops at the metal and reflects back through, so that others can see themselves in the reflection of the light. The crystal also uses metal to enhance its uses. Crystal is 25%+ lead, according to John Kennedy at Waterford. The lead is what makes for light refraction. The other attribute I need is availability. Am I hiding away in the temple where no one can see me that is not already holy? Or am I willing to set myself in the world, available for use by those who have not seen "the Light"? Am I willing to chance a scratch or some other hurt that might make me look less perfect in order for the light to have its effect on the world?
     So in the end crystal and mirrors have the same essential parts. They are only different in their uses and they are only really useful when utilizing the light! So I think, once again... it is not about me, or what I think, but about Him and His thoughts are greater than mine.